Oh, has it been awhile.
Awhile for everything.
Remember all of that Celiac stuff? Well, still holding up on that front. Remember all of the sympoms I was experiencing? Migraines/headaches, joint pain, female problems, extreme fatigue, depression, general malaise, GI issues? Now, subtract the last one. All of the above have returned. It was a slow return. I was free of all of them for a short while (after going gluten free), but slowly it all has returned. Fast-forward to last month. Last month I had an early miscarriage (this was my second miscarriage, by the way). And... everything began to fall apart. Now I'm shaking when stressed, crying all of the time, cold constantly, not hungry, sleepy, weak, can't hold the children, can't think straight, forgetting how to do simple things, trouble reading, and the list goes on. And on. And on.
Please, don't get me wrong. Gluten free is a must around here. Three of the four children are highly sensitive, Shawn gets migraines when he eats it, and I have a horrid digestive response. But it seems as if that was a small part of the problem.
So Friday, we travelled to Waynesboro, to see an NP. After doing some research on my own, it looked like Adrenal Fatigue was a viable option. Well, it was. She diagnosed me with it after a physical, a pupil dilation test, scratching my abdomen (no better way to describe it!), and listening to my symptoms. I'm having bloodwork and a saliva test done to also test for how little cortisol my body is producing, but also vitamin deficiencies, hormone levels, thyroid levels, etc., etc. The list is extensive. But her theory is this (in addition to the Adrenal Fatigue diagnosis): I'm progesterone deficient, and probable hypothyroidism.
It fits. I look back, and it fits. Here I am thinking gluten is he main enemy, and really, we were missing the forest for the trees.
Our family history of thyroid problems is abundant. And when looking at the symptoms, I have well over 90% of them. But, time will tell.
I have an appointment at the end of January to discuss lab results and a treatment plan. Until then, rest. Rest, rest, rest. It's a good thing, since that's all I can do.
All those months and years of beating myself up over laziness, ignoring the worsening depression, not caring for my body through four back-to-back pregnancies, shunning rest, working till I dropped... and then dogging on myself more because I couldn't pull off magical birthday parties. I couldn't make it to church. I couldn't wake up early to do my devotions. I couldn't _______ (fill in the blank).
Ladies, don't compare yourself to others.
I have been in a downward health spiral for four solid years. The Lord ordains it all, I am confident that He directed my steps the entire way. I am confident that this is all for His glory and my good. But....
Don't compare yourself to others.
All of those days that I spent wondering why I couldn't keep it together, why I couldn't beat my body into submission, why I had such I hard time with this or that. Those days should have been spent resting in Him.
He has brought me to the point to where I must rest in Him. He has taken my idolatrous dreams of being the perfect mother and housewife, and He has shown me that my strength comes from Him alone. He is what my heart craves and desires and NEEDS. Him alone. And I love Him for it!
Please don't misunderstand me. These health problems of mine aren't the end of the world. I know that MANY have had it much worse than I ever will.
But our pint-sized world... it has been rocked. And He is teaching me day by day, having not the strength to even feed my own children, to rely on Him.
I hope to become a more frequent blogger than before. Perhaps next time I'll be able to give more detail. But please pray for us, if you think of it. We surely do covet it. But most of all, please pray for my parents, my sister, and my in-laws. They are working together so well to make sure I have someone with me all day every day, that I get the rest I need until I start my treatment plan, and allowing for Shawn to go to work and the kids to be cared for. They will never understand how much their love, help, and encouragement means to the six of us.